Part One: "Karma" Is A Bitch

"J, was it worth it?" It would be interesting to know the answer to that question, now, after five and a half years. Was it worth breaking up two families, shattering the hearts of two spouses and six children, and losing the trust and respect of friends and family?

Do I care to know? I don't know. What he thinks and feels doesn't matter much to me anymore. It has little consequence on my life now. I'll tell you why in part two of this post.

But for the mean time, here's are the cliff notes to J and M shit show, brought to you by Bubbles:)

J and M had two boys together within the first 2 years they were together (one born and the other conceived while J and I were still married). The boys are now 4 and 5 years old. In their first year together, M put J into more than $100,000 in debt. He also lost primary custody of his two children (my children. I fought hard in court to get custody). Since the beginning of their relationship, they've fought like cats and dogs, even calling the cops on each other numerous times. M has tried to slash the tires on his cars, has broken his electric guitar, and attacked him with a tennis racket and flashlight. She went to jail for that after she punched herself in the face, accusing J of hitting her.  Unfortunately all the kids, mine included, witnessed it (an episode straight out of "Cops," so white trash).

My kids and her/their kids have also been victims of physical and emotional abuse, which have been investigated by child protective services. My kids are no longer allowed to have any contact with M, thank goodness. But, the trauma has taken a toll. They see their therapist regularly, and so do I.

There have been many other incidents, and after this last one, M lost custody of all of her six children. J has left M (for the time being) and has full custody of his two boys. He now lives with his parents, who are less than thrilled that he's ruined his life and is staying with them, because he can't afford to live on his own.

J will most likely move back in with M at some point, even though everyone under the sun (police, courts, counselors, child protective services, his kids, her kids, his parents) say they should not be together. Their relationship is toxic and dangerous. The only person who believes without a doubt that they should work on their marriage is their bishop. Seriously.... WTF!?

This break-up and getting-back-together cycle has been going on for years. Who knows what will be the final blow. Even though M has lost all her kids and J has moved out, they continue to see each other in secret. (My kids tell me everything, and their dad tells them too much of everything.)

One more thing. A few months ago, before J left M, they were re-baptized. I knew it was coming. I don't know how I feel about it really. Are they repentant? Probably not. After all, they recently taught their two young sons that my name is a swear word and to never repeat it. Hmmmm...