My hair is falling out...

Normally I have my hair dresser thin out my hair because it is so massively thick. Over the past few months I've noticed it getting freakishly thin--huge clumps falling out in the shower. With this I feel exhausted all the time. Doesn't matter what time of day...I want to lay down, and I'm constantly yawning. I don't think it's mono because I've had it before and the symptoms are different. Maybe my thyroid needs to be checked? My weight has been consistent, so I'm not sure if that's the problem. Obviously I am completely stressed and physically and emotionally exhausted. Don't know how to slow things down...it is what it is I guess...

Baby Cruz...

R had his second baby that he conceived with my former BFF on 11/11/11. Two babies he fathered while still married to me. It's been two years now, but the pain is still quite raw. Again I feel as though my dream was stolen from me. I wanted more babies...I couldn't have them...so he went elsewhere to expand his lineage. Still processing this all. Still don't know exactly how I'm coping or how I'm really doing. I had a "cranial" with a psychologist the other day...not sure what to think of it yet, but apparently I have a "lot of unresolved issues I've repressed for years." Great...I just need a break from my life...anyone want to stare at a blank wall with me for a few minutes? I can't even do that...not enough minutes in the day. Up at 5...go go go...fast asleep by 9:30. Not enough time to really deal with all my problems apparently. I'm doing the best I can, I think. Don't know what more I can do.

How do I stop it?

I'm doing everything I can do...still I'm sliding...drained all my resources...hardly any income...feel pathetic...hopeless...huge failure...letting people down...personal life leaking into professional life...losing clients...forgetting things...Christmas is upon me...don't know how to get through it...nightmares...2nd baby on the way...not mine...hers...how much longer I don't know...so tired...worthless...hopeless...just plain sick and tired of it all...need a victory, need something...I WANT PEACE OF MIND, CONSISTENCY, STABILITY, SECURITY DAMMIT! I feel at any moment I'm going to be overcome by this 20 foot wave and drown in the depths of the sea. I almost welcome it actually...if it wasn't for my children I would I think...