A Young Man's Dream...

Once there was an 18 year-old young man who was searching for truth. He wanted a change in his life, felt there was something missing. He wanted to break free from the dysfunctional and immoral life he had led thus far. For years, J was "living the dream," living the way he wanted, without any rules or restrictions. He was a "rock star" starting from elementary school all the way through high school. Every guy wanted to be his best friend and every girl wanted to be his girlfriend. He did exactly what he wanted, got what he wanted, while being adored by all. He was charming, handsome, and extremely charismatic.

One day J met a guy at the store he worked at. Todd was friendly, outgoing, and funny as hell. J liked him immediately. They became best friends. They played the guitar, surfed, and skated together. J spent most of his free time at Todd's house and bonded with his family. He saw something different in this family that he wanted to be a part of. They displayed none of the crazy abusive dysfunction he had experienced in his own home. They actually "liked" each other and spent time together. They respected and loved each other. J discovered that Todd's family was deeply religious and soon had a desire to be a part of that same church. He wanted that life, that kind of family for himself. This became his new dream. After he joined the church, he publicly stated, "One day I'm going to marry a Mormon girl." He dated one a few months before he decided to go on a mission for his new church. He wanted literally everyone he knew to experience the joy of the gospel that he had discovered. He felt it was his quest to bring as many people to baptism as he could.

When J returned he wanted to marry B, the red headed girl he had actively pursued before his mission. He wanted her more than anything, even followed her to Utah while she finished school. J left everyone and everything behind in California and moved to a place where he had no job, no money, and no prospects. He was determined to marry B, whatever it took. She was everything he ever wanted, and more. He told her every day, "you are my angel. I will cherish and love you forever." B believed every word.

J's proposal was a dream. He took her to the top of a mountain overlooking a breathtaking valley. There was a cabin at the top, and inside B found a brilliant fire burning in the fireplace, a dozen long stemmed red roses, and a catered meal arranged on a candlelit table. He had taken weeks to plan this special moment. B's breath was truly taken away. She had never felt so loved and adored her whole life. J had done all this for her...all for her! Then, getting on one knee J asked B to be his. Ofcourse! Yes! They were married several months later.

Life was good the first few years. J was very romantic, left love notes all over the house and often surprised B with sweet little gifts. J adored his new wife and couldn't get enough of her, wanted to spend every moment with her. Even when B got sick with their first baby, J was there waiting on her hand and foot. B felt so lucky to have such a devoted and loving husband attend to her needs. She felt much sadness because her sickness disabled her from having sex or much intimacy with J. She apologized over and over, but there was simply nothing she could do. She hoped J would understand and love her anyway, even though she couldn't love him in the way she wanted.

B thought she was the luckiest woman in the world, truly believing she had a catch. She had the best husband in the world, and now she was going to be a mother. Things couldn't get better...but they could definitely get worse.

The first major red flag showed its ugly face during this time. Her fifteen year old cousin had come to spend the holiday with the family. Right away B noticed that her cousin and J would pair off together a lot and talk. She didn't think anything of it, even though they seemed to always be together. Then one day, right after she had thrown up for the millionth time and was laying in bed exhausted, they came to B's room and confessed that they had "messed up." Her 27 year old husband said he had fallen for her 15 year old cousin. As far as B knew, they didn't have sex or even kiss, but apparently held each other all night one night. Another night he admitted to carrying her to her bed and staying a while. His excuse? Simply that B hadn't had sex with him in months and he was "starving for it." He was only looking for comfort during a very difficult time. Even though she was stunned, she was in denial and refused to believe it. In fact, B blamed her cousin. Everything was fine until she came for a visit. She was the problem, not B's perfect knight in shining armor husband. After that B despised her cousin and shoved the rest under the carpet and continued to adore her perfect J.

Things were pretty peaceful for a few years after B's first child was born. When she was pregnant with her second, and even more sick, J was there for her every need. She truly felt this adversity was bringing them closer together, solidifying their marriage. B couldn't imagine loving him anymore than she did at that time. He was her prince.

After baby number 2 was born, J one night abruptly disclosed to B that he had a problem with masturbation. He claimed that he was driven to it because B didn't show him enough affection during the pregnancy. He felt neglected and told B a man needs sex or he's going to find other ways to satisfy his desires. Again, B was shocked and hurt, but believed J when he told her all was well again after he visited the Bishop and was forgiven...apparently. Also, he was the Young Men's President at the time and living in Denialville, B believed it couldn't' be THAT bad. J was the Young Men's President. He probably just had a small hiccup, and because of his enormous responsibility to the youth, felt impelled to confess this minor infraction. Young Men Presidents are almost perfect men....If they weren't they wouldn't be in such a calling, or so she thought.

Things continued to go downhill the next few years. J's previous love and adoration for his wife started to change. He viewed his "angel" B as an annoyance, more than a gift in his life. He became extremely critical of her. She couldn't do anything right in his eyes. These are some of his complaints over the years:

"All you do is sleep. You're neglecting the family." "Why do you always leave the windows open?" "You are the reason the kids are upset." "Our sex life sucks." "You need to change." "Why do you talk like that?" "You're embarrassing." "Our marriage sucks." "You're just trying to hurt me. Why didn't you save me the outer part of the brownies." "I don't want to go on a trip with you unless we bring the kids." "I don't really like you that much. sorry." "We're stuck with each other so we might as well endure it the best we can." Quickly, B retreated into her "safe" place inside, where she couldn't be hurt. She became the "yes" and "no" wife, who had no opinions and would rarely speak her mind or argue with J.

On one such occasion, it was only to protect her son. She found her boy screaming as J pulled him down the hall by his hair as punishment for refusing to clean his room. Without hesitation, B intervened and told J to take his hands off her son, which he did immediately. Later on that night, J was still fuming over the encounter. B asked him what was wrong. "You were born!" He screamed at her.

The next week is when the world caved in completely. J's affair with B's best friend was discovered. He admitted to it, with no remorse, claiming his new love was his princess and that he was going to marry her. Further, he announced that they were expecting a child together. He also didn't hesitate to share that they were probablyt having twins, and he was so excited about it. As the weeks passed he would give B daily reports on the health of his girlfriend and their "babies." He even disclosed what names they were considering. He told B he had been waiting his whole life to find someone like M, and now he was truly in love. He had never felt this with anyone. B of course melted into a pile of uncontrollable sobs for weeks and even considered taking her life at one point.

She disclosed all her feelings to J, only to be met with his stone cold heart. He blamed her for everything. Said she got what she deserved after all the abuse she had inflicted on him and the children all these years. To sum it up, she hadn't loved him enough. Their sex life sucked. Bottom line, he said, I need sex more than twice a week. He told B, M was the whole package and offered him everything he ever wanted. She was his true love, not B. Their marriage had been a mistake and was doomed from the start. Now, he had a chance to really be happy, since he "had been living in misery" his whole marriage. He had the right to be happy. Furthermore, he told B she should just move out of state and live with her parents, since that's what he thought she always wanted anyway. And since she hadn't been a good mother, she should go alone and he would keep the children. It all sounded logical and practical to him. One night, while B sobbed into her pillow, he said "I don't know why you're making such a big deal about this and why you just won't accept it. How many times do I have to tell you that I love her before you get it!


to be continued soon with picture on top explained...