I planned on writing a very "unique" family Christmas newsletter this year. I had it all planned out. We all know of those obnoxious Christmas newsletters we'd like to burn and say, "Cut the crap...you're life isn't that perfect! And even if it is, stop throwing it in my face!!" Anyway, I was going to write my own with the title something like, "The ***** Family, Keepin' It Real in 2011." haha. I had so such good material too from the past two years, dang it!
So I was going to write and post it here, just for dark humor's sake, to help me get through yet another miserable Christmas. But, lately I haven't been feeling so dark. Someone or something has quieted my anger a bit. I don't have the rage I NEED to write that letter. And Christmas has been wonderful so far this year. For the first time in 3 years I have really enjoyed it: trimming the tree, decorating the house, putting up lights, frosting cookies, making gingerbread houses, listening to Christmas carols, shopping for gifts, all of it. I've enjoyed it all! And I've been able to walk in stores and not feel so broken or lost because I am not married and my family isn't what it was once. I am actually proud to still be standing tall, on my own two feet, in my own house, driving my own car, working full-time, and being a single full-time mother to my two beautiful sweet children. As exhausting physically and emotionally as it all is, I am doing it!!! And I'm still here! I've been knocked down so much this past year, many times didn't believe I could get back up. Yet, I did. So it is possible to have a life after a past life I think.
This season I have felt more love and warmth than I have felt in a long time. So many have reached out to me and my children. I believe from Angels here on Earth and from the Heavens.
I am so grateful. Although my heart bleeds and I still hurt and cry, there is a new warmth and vigor to it. A renewed energy and passion for life and the possibilities of a better and happier future. I can CHOOSE where to go from here. This is my life, and as messy and crazy as it is, it's mine and I can say right now that I am pretty happy these days...That is my Christmas miracle, for me and my sweet Children.
This makes me so happy. I don't even know you, but I've been worried about you. My sister went through a very difficult divorce last year (married over a decade) and she went through some severe depression off and on for almost a year. It was so so so hard to watch her go through that. She wasn't herself. She missed who she used to be. I missed my sister. She is finally out of the fog. She still has some down times, but it is so nice to have her back. You will get there. I'm rooting for you.
ReplyDeleteSo glad to read this. Good for you!
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