Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Thank you...

Thank you all for your words of support. Part of the reason I write this blog is to find others who understand, who get it. Sometimes the world gets very small, and it's easy to feel lost and alone. I truly want to be happy again. I am fighting to get there even though many days I'm just so tired. I am a single full-time working mother with so much to carry. I will probably be filing for bankruptcy pretty soon. In a way I feel like I'm failing everything. I know this huge debt is not my fault, but somehow I still feel like I should have been able to prevent financial ruin. Dating is still quite hideous, but I'm hopeful to find a good man one day. I just need to be patient I think. I'm just a woman who wants to be held, to be loved. I have not given up on spiritual things. I think for me listening to music like the Tabernacle Choir's "All Through the Night" and "Abide with Me" helps me feel some connection to God. For me, they are lullabies from my Heavenly Father that have often soothed my troubled soul. I always go back to this music when I am at my lowest. I don't read the scriptures every day and I don't pray every day. I rarely go to the temple and I haven't gone for three hours of church in ages. But, I'm doing what I can do for now. I hope I will be strong enough to do more in the future. Although many say I am strong and resilient, I feel weak and insecure. When I do pray, I pray to be able to stay on course, holding to the Rod even though I'm holding on in thick blackness. I hope, pray to emerge into the glorious light someday soon...
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2 comments:

  1. JSeptember 15, 2011 at 9:17 AM

    You are a beautiful woman and I'm honored to have you as my friend! Lots of love coming your way... XOXO

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  2. BeckySeptember 20, 2011 at 6:17 AM

    For me bankruptcy and divorce went hand In hand. Do not blame yourself for this. I couldnt trust within the divorce so how on earth would I be able to trust him to pay the bills AFTER the divorce? This is not a blaming situation. It's reality that you want to move forward so give yourself a chance. You need a clean slate. There was no way for me to provide for the children without child support AND having an overwhelming debt that he isn't paying either. Learn to trust in YOUR abilities with your Heavenly Father. You can't do it alone but with Him, it's

    Second thing, you have been injured. Allow yourself to be healed. Don't EVEN think about dating and the despair associated with it at this time. Even if you felt you had met someone, it wouldn't be healthy in your state. I have learned that unless I First heal, second, find strength and finally, third, have patience for what the Lord has in store for me. That's the stage you will be ready for dating. Focus on the basics right now.

    Those were my favorite CDs too. Allow Father to soothe and cradle you at this time. You were born with the ability to not just heal but actually become stronger through this. He's there for you if you will but turn tï Him.

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