I was inspired after reading mynotsoperfectmormonmarriage.blogspot.com to write about my own gutt punching experience. I will also keep my name and some details anonymous in order to protect myself and children. My children's names will be changed.
There's really not a great place to start. I've been dealing with this hell for over 8 months and still wake up most mornings confused and wondering how I got here, what I did to deserve such a fate, and how am I going to survive and protect my children. Some entries I write will probably be "keeping it real" so to speak. I will be extremely angry and vengeful saying stuff about my dirt bag loser husband and his whorrish souless girlfriend. And maybe one day every 6 months I may say something about these "two people" being God's children too and deserve every chance at happiness. Either way, I know the Lord has been there, shouldering some of the burden. I recognize his tender mercies. Through this ordeal I often think of the scripture, "Be Still, and know that I am God." (If you know specifically what scripture please tell me because I forgot...) So I know that in the end I will be happier than I've ever been. It's just getting through this darkness to the other side where there is light and peace that is tough. Just holding on tight and not giving up and Enduring WELL. Each day I have to remind myself that God loves me and is aware of my struggle and is helping me and that I WILL triumph through this. So in this struggle of ups and downs, discouragement, despair, sadness, and all the other crap that comes with the revelation that your spouse is a real jerk I hope that my thoughts will help someone else to not feel alone in this and know that there's many of us out there and WE WILL NOT GO DOWN WITHOUT A FIGHT!!!! WE WOMEN ARE STRONG! WE WILL TAKE OUR LIVES BACK!!
That's my Enduring well speech; remember that when I have a bad day and I need some of YOU to pick me up:) We're all in this together now. We can't lose faith...we can't lose hope.
Bubble Girl,
ReplyDeleteI am so in this with you!!
And I thought my story was beyond hideous... I can't imagine what you must be going though?!
Let's help each other get through this ok? You are not alone!
xoxo
Momma J
Now that's an awesome MOM!!
ReplyDeleteJust read through your blog.
About 18 years ago I went through similar pain.
However, I was married for 5 years and had a 2 year old and an 8 mo old when my husband came to me and told me he had cheated on me with some unknown GUY! Then to find out he was gay and this had happened periodically throughout our marriage. We were BEST friends and married in the temple. We did everything together and I even knew he loved me deeply, so how could this be? This created a load of confusion and despair. We worked together for another 7 years and 2 kids more, went to counceling and such.
Well, about 11 years ago now, the lord led me to a phone call, at 1am, where he was planning on meeting up with some guy the next day. When I walked in , he looked at me in shock as he said a quick goodbye and then lied to me about who was on the other end. That was the day I told him we were done and I couldn't take this anymore.
Many years have gone now and lots of pain was to be had. Many days I couldn't even get out of bed, yet had 4 children to still raise. How would I let this man have ANY custody at all with the lifestyle he would be living? Yet he was an awesome father to my kids, other than this.
It's been a struggle for sure. All I can say is to stay close to the Lord as I have done. Be in constant prayer and he WILL guide you through this heartache. There WILL be a time when you can see the forest over the trees and you'll be able to smile again. And you WILL find yourself again. It's there! And you will be a new better person because of your experiences. Hang on to your father in heaven and your wonderful mother and those that support you. Talk things out with them and don't hold it in. Also, a great book I read was "Mars and Venus starting over" by the same guy who wrote Men are from Mars..This book is about how to work through a broken heart. Just know that it's there for you.... Hang in there sis. I FEEL YOUR PAIN!!
stacysnine...
ReplyDeleteWOW! How did you even survive this? 7 years of working on it? 4 kids?
Wondering how on earth you ever began to trust anyone again?
Did your ex-husband had a problem with pornography and sex addiction or was he just gay?
You're little comment was so inspirational to read about... to know there can be light at the end of this mess... is such a breath of fresh air!!
Thanks for sharing
xoxo
Momma J